Monday, January 09, 2006

Living and Performing Blood Tied Psychic Art

My cousin and I spent Sunday together like that performance artist that tied himself to another lady and lived for one year without speaking or touching her. And she was just as silent and untouchable. The only difference between us and the performance artisit is that the bond is in our heads . . . and we talk all the time.

My cousin said that he laughes at me because I have the same reactions as he does to many things, so much so that it is sickening (that is meant in the Black Faggot sense of the word). I guess it is because we are both switch hitters with some subtle differences. He really prefers black and latino guys. I did I guess till I moved to Germany and I had to broaden my horizons. It did not take long for that to happen.

Our relationship experiences are similar. We are both feeling a deep sense of lost concerning the circumstances of our displayment. Him from LA, me from Europe. We both have the same attitude concerning friendships and their place in our lives. La La La . . .

So, yesterday was more about just being around one another. I took Cuz to get his laundry done. In the meantime I went to a bookstore, got a coffee and bought a book (like I need one of those . . .but the price was a steal). We then went and bought some food because we can't go out until Tuesday, because of his work schedule and on Monday night I have a date for the first time in a year. It is with a guy named Georgie. He is from China I think, but has lived down South for a while. He is 30. Travels a bit. In the resturaunt management business. This is cool because I have had romantic interests running around since Christmas but only kissing, no dinner. No movie. No glasses of wine on a rooftoop somewhere. Just busy schedules. Kisses here and there after driving someone home. Or postponed events because of brothers visiting from Philly, uncles in from San Diego or trips to see cousins in Atlanta.

So a real bonified date today. Plus perfect weather and a feeling that one is in a city. That energy concerning this city is bubbling around me. People getting on with their own thang. I love it. And the park is great. All the people running to it or from it. Georgia Tech professors and atheletes hopping about. That feeling of being in place and being optimistic about ones life is here. I like it.

I called the Goethe Institute, spoke German to the woman. Asked about diplomas. She said they will be giving tests in May. I thought that would be cool. I also got real estate books to see the house prices. Then after that, I will look at the job market. See what is here. People say that there is a lot here, but I am not so sure. I just wonder what is here. I see young professional people in large numbers with their babies and their dogs or both. Or white gay men (I call them Marys, cuz calls them Judys) with their boyfriends and their lovers or both. So, that has to be a sure sign that there is something to keep the middleclass upwardly and mobile. That may soon be me . . . here . . .if the feeling is right.

The only thing that has crashed the day has been the Persian Prince's telephone call. We had a talk. He told me I should tell my mother that I am gay. I said I just show my girlfriends to her, what else is there to it. He went on and on. He is one of these people that think bisexuals do not exist there for I have to come out because I am confused. And since he got married to a woman to appease his parents and then got a divorce he thinks that that is what I am up to. I did not say f*ck you, but I wanted to simply tell him that Atlanta can not be paradise if there is no real job for me here. Boys and ass do not paradise make (in the tradition of Yoda). That is number one. Number two is simple, we are are different people. And three, I don't care about all the phases you went through coming out and your parents excepting you . . . I am sure it was a great growth experience for you . . . but when it comes to my family, that is not possible. Marriage to a man is about as logical as a cow climbing a tree. They can't get their heads around it. And that is fact.

Persian Prince started to talk about his conservative family who are from a country where men are killed for their sexual preference. And maybe to him, what I am going through is a bit too dramatic. But after I explained to him what my family is like and how I do not have a problem with men that keep their business to themselves, he went on to tell me that that is how men in his society deal with it. Then he said that he is not one of those men. I went on to say that I thought all of this "either your are 'out' as a homosexual, or 'in the closet' and not part of the movement" is very facist to me. Not excluding the body culture, the ideas of love that are akin to a big Roman Centurion sex club for the big bootied man and the shear fact that I have to somehow dress and act a certain way in order to be part of the gay community (this is after he told me where to shop in the gay neighborhood).

The conversation ended applicably though. I still like his parents very much. I still want to get into his pants (he is waiting for me to loose weight, shave my chest and my nut sack and get new clothes . . . yeah right! . . . I ain't doing that much for booty . . . he needs to get with the program he is missing good stuff) and I still wonder if in his advise I am missing some essential truth, as I believe he is missing some essential truth in my hesitation towards identity politics and the same sex experience.


Who cares in the end?

One day I will just kiss him too, but with no follow up date. I am sure. He is looking for love in the avenues that I only like to visit. So, we can only be brief with one another and speak as intensly for 39 minutes as we did today, ignoring the other but racing to get the last line anyway.

So, beyond talking, napping, drinking wine, cooking food, driving around the city by myself, looking into a tatoo parlor, etc . . . there is nothing to report. Just good vibes. And plans for us cousins in the future (a visit to LA and Miami are in order).

So. That is that.

Will tell you about date tomorrow.

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