Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Reasoning and Writing

I have not had time to write lately. Sorting things out with my apartment in Cologne. Weird year. Some of my slacking has to do with my screwed up emotions over Das Experiment. And then, there is the fact that I have too much in my head to try and sort out and try to write. I am happy about this situation, better than writer's block, but I gotta order my thoughts and my head so I can produce, and that means I have to suspend all the drama around me.

Slow in Writing:

The Reasons

1. Abortion Rights -- J's Theater
Got into a real deep discussion and I want to take the time to understand the implications of Alito and a woman's right to choose. J has introduced the realities of anti-abortion legislation and the criminalization of women that choose to have an abortion.

2. Das Experiment's Call
He called me early on Sunday morning, the 31st. He sounds sad and depressed and upset. In short, he sounds like a broken record. We talked for a little more than an hour. I was worried about him, but I don't have time to make him see certain things. He is so stubborn.

3. Portuguese Exercises
I am one fourth of the way through the little tourist book that I bought when I meet Ms. Portugal. Making progress.

4. Mom's Retirement
She is finished next week. And she is also going to physical therapy for her back. I feel like my life is changing, I am a bit worried about her well being. This age thing is a trip and time is playing a trip on me big time. What happens if something happens to her. Will I be able to travel? She will be alone.

5. Diabetes
Nervous about doctor's visit. Went. And I am tired I must say of the pills and all of it. I feel strong, I look OK, but when I visit the doctor I get a different truth. He said I must take this medicine forever. I won't recite the list. It just makes me sick.

6. Sketch for Novel
Been thinking about it more. It is stupid to try while doing so much, but damn it is in my head and I gotta work on getting it out.

7. Staying or Coming Back
Up and down. Back and Forth. Can't explain to the people over there what life is like here for me. As my roommate in Cologne, when talking about the Germans, says, "How could they ever know about what we have gone through. They will only look at us African Americans with confusion and taking for granted that the 3 weeks they have known you is the whole story of your life." It is true. It is what is so hard about being exotic. People have already made up a past for you.

And people here wonder why you have come back. People do get treated like shit here.

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