Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Stadt, Land, Fluss

I am unmotivated today. Think it has to do with the fact that I work at night, and I have been spending my nights with The People. Last night we watched Underworld. While watching it, I realized that I need a trip to NYC. That would help me out. I guess part of it is that The People seem to be stuck in the same mode of thinking and behavior as I was in when I was 21-years-old and at 33 that is not fun.

I don't think it is the maturity. That seems to be there, but there seems to be nothing for The People to do if they don't get married and have kids. You are stuck renting videos, inviting people over and watching movies like Underworld. Throw in some flavoured Martinis and there you go. You have life in the alternative world of The People. Some DJ's. Some Poets. Some Gender Benders. Some of Everything. But everybody scared to move.

I think I will tell you the tale of Miss A, her friend ViVi and the search for a 2,000 dollar car tomorrow. Miss A is paying. That happened yesterday. It was an adventure and memorable, and that part of my life is vibrant. Work and friends. It is home that is lacking. And it is the world of this city (I guess I am forever talking down about Nashville, but hey my customers from other places do that too), and watching my mother's generation and herself enter retirement. That is the modus operandi of my home life now. But, my life is on hold as I try to figure out the best way to make a lot of money to pay for my medical cost and a house versus writing. I just can't sit the fence anymore. I can do both, but it is hard to complete things when you are constantly being knocked out by medical bills.

Right now, with all that is going on, I just want to go back to Germany for a little while if not forever (they really make me pay for medical coverage there . . . the socialist system is meant for Europeans, not foreigner entrepreneurs . . . they want you dependent on someone), believe me. This President and his administration is crazy. The Lobbyist are screwing us all. I don't know anybody that is happy. What I read is nothing that changes the status quo of ideas concerning race and money. New Orleans is a disaster. And the people in my communities are just people that are disatisfied with their jobs and every aspect of their lives thanks to television. HGTV makes everyone feel inadequate about their house (it used to be just their bodies). A woman named Suzy is feeding into this idea that ones self-esteem is based on ones credit rating. And the electronic news age has made it so that mistakes are happening all over the place. I can't even talk about that mine in West Virginia. It is terrible.

Oh, and Mr. Christmas Night didn't show up yesterday evening for his date. I will find out today why not. I think I am just love starved in the "Daydreaming" Aretha Franklin with her sister Carol's supporting background vocals sense of the word.

When I am down, or am in deep contemplation I put on "Can't Explain (42nd Street Happenstance)" by Jil Scott. I put that bad boy on repeat and just get through what I got to do. Today is that kind of day. But it is the inablity to put my finger on what is the problem. Maybe it is retrieving the world that I lost. But don't we all loose several worlds in a lifetime. Maybe even more. Dozens, perhaps.

Tomorrow will be better I hope.

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